Friday, April 1, 2016

The Tree Musketeers

Hello, friends!  I have finally decided to start my own FV2 tree-tricking group!  I have named it, "The Tree Musketeers!"  Get it?  Pretty clever, huh?

If you don't know what a FV2 tree-tricking group is, the answer is very simple:  It is a group of FV2 players who band together and mutually agree to visit each other's farms daily to help trick each other's trees!  Sounds fun, right?

I know there are many other FV2 tree-tricking groups out there, but just like my co-op, mine is going to be the best.  Once you read our bylaws and FAQ below, you will understand why The Tree Musketeers is going to be so much more awesomer than any other tree-tricking group, ever!  In fact, if you are already in another tree-tricking group, ditch those losers immediately and join The Tree Musketeers RIGHT NOW!  Trust me, you will not regret it!

If you wish to join us, (and honestly, why wouldn't you?) the first thing you must do is change your Facebook and Zynga profile pictures to one of these lovely Tree Musketeer pictures:

You can choose to be Athos, Aramis or Porthos, it's totally up to you!  I'm not sure which is which, but you may pick one based on your favorite tree if you want; nobody really gives a crap!

I know this may seem rather arbitrary, but there is actually a very important reason that we all must do this.  Simply stated, it is necessary so that our fellow Tree Musketeers can easily locate us on their neighbor bars during daily tree-tricking visits.  Lesser tree-tricking groups just place a tiny little tree icon on your profile picture.  But for those of us who don't see too well, and we are many, that miniature tree icon can be easily missed and result in a non-visit.  You wouldn't want to miss a tree-tricking visit, would you?  Of course not!  Our superior Tree Musketeers profile picture methodology ensures that you won't!

The second thing you must do is download (right-click and select save image as) our advertising banner (it's the picture of The Tree Musketeers at the top of this page) and post it to your Facebook wall and your top 3 favorite FV2 groups along with a link to this page and a message telling everyone that you just joined the best new FV2 tree-tricking group ever, and they should too!  This will help us to recruit new Tree Musketeers, because the more tree-trickers we have in our group, the more trees we can trick!  It's a mathematically sound idea, wouldn't you agree?  Of course you would!  So please, do it now.

The third thing you must do is carefully read the few simple rules we have, peruse our FAQ, and click the link at the bottom of the page acknowledging that you have done so and agree to comply.

Bylaws of The Tree Musketeers

All members of The Tree Musketeers shall abide the following rules at all times, or be forever banished to the forest of Saint-Germain-en-Laye:

  • You must have a line of at least ten solitary trees on your farm at all times.  These are the trees that your fellow Tree Musketeers members will assist you in tricking!
  • You must eliminate all superfluous decorations from your farm so that your farm loads as fast as possible for your fellow Tree Musketeers when they visit you.  The more decorations you have on your farm, the longer it takes to load for a visitor, so store all that cutesy crap in your inventory toot-sweet!  Don't be like this disgusting hoarder. Yuck!
  • You must befriend and neighbor-up with each and every member of The Tree Musketeers.  This will enable you and your fellow Tree Musketeers members to visit each other and trick each other's trees!  If you already have too many neighbors to add more, simply remove all of your neighbors who are not in The Tree Musketeers group to make room for all your new Tree Musketeers members!
  • You must visit the farm of each and every member of The Tree Musketeers once each day and water all ten of their trees (This is what we in the tree-tricking business call "tending your neighbor's treeline").
  • Upon conclusion of your daily visit to each of your fellow Tree Musketeers, you must post a message on their Facebook wall saying, "All for one and one for all!"  Optionally, you can add, "I made a beeline for your treeline!" to the aforementioned message should you so desire.
  • The Tree Musketeers is a very exclusive club, so you cannot be in any other FV2 tree-tricking groups, and you must publicly renounce all other FV2 tree-tricking groups and unfriend their members.
  • You must randomly pm at least twelve of your Facebook friends each day demanding that they join The Tree Musketeers, and threatening to unfriend them if they don't.  And, no, not the same twelve Facebook friends each day.  Nice try, but you must rotate it!
The Tree Musketeers FAQ

If you still have questions about The Tree Musketeers, perhaps you can find the answers you seek from these Frequently Asked Questions instead of bothering me about it, as I am a very busy tree-tricker who tricks many trees: 

Q. Why can't I be D'Artagnan?
A. Because he was not one of the original three musketeers.  We are doing this group old-school style.  That's just how we roll, ok?  Don't make trouble.

Q. What if someone who is in another FV2 tree-tricking group tries to recruit me or even talk to me?
A. Should any member of another FV2 tree-tricking group attempt to engage you in any way whatsoever, even with innocuous chitchat regarding the weather, you must ignore them, block them on Facebook and report the incident to me immediately.  I will deal with these poachers personally!

Q. How will I know who all the other Tree Musketeers are so I can befriend and visit them?
A. The Tree Musketeers has its own Facebook group (please click the link to join it now) that we all use to connect with each other for tree-tricking, as well as for light banter and other sundry Facebook-related activities, such as posting pictures of our pets and sharing recipes, etc.

Q.  This sounds like it will be a very popular group!  If membership in The Tree Musketeers grows into the hundreds, will I still need to visit each and every member each day?
A. LOL, don't be silly!  Of course you will.

Q. What if I miss a visit due to illness, or I mis-click a fence and only water 9 of my neighbor's trees, or inadvertently break any other rule?
A. For every violation of a Tree Musketeers Bylaw, whether intentional or not, you will be required to send one U.S. dollar to my PayPal account (  So, if you fail to visit two Tree Musketeers one day, you owe me $2.  If you miss three visits the next day, you owe me an additional $3.  If you visit all The Tree Musketeers the next day, but you accidentally click on a Tree Musketeers neighbor's duck instead of their tenth tree, you owe me another dollar.  Please rest assured, at the end of each month I will use the funds accumulated in this PayPal account to throw a pizza party for myself and several close friends.

Q. Am I invited to the pizza party?
A. No.

Q. Why not?
A. You're not really a close friend, you're more of an acquaintance.

Q. But I am your mother!
A. Mom, please... I'm doing my blog right now!

Q. I am not familiar with the practice of "tree-tricking."  Can you explain exactly what it is and how it is done?
A. Great question!  I would be happy to do that:

To trick trees, the first thing you must do is pull one tree out of each of ten groves and line them up on your farm in a conspicuous location, so that your fellow Tree Musketeers can find them quickly and tend them easily.  Once you do this, you will have ten solitary trees in a line (your "treeline"), and ten groves containing three trees each.  So far, so good!

First we extract one tree from each grove to create a "treeline."

The next thing you do is you wait for one of your fellow Tree Musketeers to visit your farm and water the ten individual trees in your treeline.  Once you have confirmed the visitor intends to water your treeline by holding your cursor over the visitor and verifying the little highlighted green squares around each tree, get excited, because the tree-tricking action is about to begin!

Then we wait for a fellow tree-tricker to tend our treeline.

The next thing you need to do is place each of the ten individual trees in your treeline back into each of the ten groves you pulled them from earlier.

Then we place the individual trees back into their groves. The trees get really excited!

Finally, once all of your trees are tucked snugly back into their groves, hover over your Tree Musketeer visitor again and click DECLINE on their visit.

Your trick on the trees is completed upon clicking the "decline" button on the neighbor's visit!

Congratulations!  You have successfully tricked your trees!  LOL, those fools never saw that coming!  Trees are so dumb and easily tricked!  

Tree-tricking sure is fun, isn't it?  Click the link below to join us today and you can have this much fun with us too!

I wish to join The Tree Musketeers.  I hereby certify that I have read the bylaws of The Tree Musketeers and agree to abide by same.


  1. I can't believe how much work you put into this. It's awesome.

  2. I've seen the ones closer to the front. I can get those, tho I have to confess, lately I did get a field of sunflowers due to the Spring Parade/Grow Flowers Until You Crocus event :)