Thursday, December 25, 2014

A Visit From St. Zynga

'Twas the day after the night before Christmas, when all through the farm,
not a creature was happy, not even the chicken, who Choo had named "Parm."

The tree was all trimmed and gave off a warm glow,
in hopes that Saint Zynga would eventually show.

The family was at the picnic table eating lasagna,
nightmares of farm labor had given them insomnia.

Carlos in only feathers, and me in my suspenders,
fed up with this eyesore, we began smashing its fenders.

When out on the lawn there was a barking sound,
so Carlos and I, we just turned right around.

There on the grass, relieving himself,
stood Zynga Claus, the jolly dog elf!

"What did you bring us?" I shouted with glee,
and after licking his balls, he spoke to me.

"I bring you warm regards from our HQ in Frisco,
and also some crackers, made by Nabisco!

"That's it?  What the hell?" I angrily shouted,
while Carlos just stood there and sullenly pouted.

"No free farm bucks, or animals, or new decorations?
You owe us something more, we demand reparations!

"All you farmers do is complain, until the cows come home!"
As he took me to task, his mouth began to foam.

"We've had to cut corners, for our stock's in decline,
and you ungrateful farmers, you just bitch and you whine.

"We've given you a game that you can play for free,
your refusal to spend money is what's killing me.

"But your game runs like crap, it crashes all the time!
Our farming experience is no longer sublime!

"We've had to outsource to India and do many lay-offs.
Yet we've given you new expansions and feeding troughs!

"But you've nerfed our spouse energy, and that of our child,
and your impossible crafting orders leave us beguiled!

"Listen, you ingrate, we don't owe you a thing.
We're Zynga, dammit.  It's us you're bankrupting!

"Now go buy some Farm Bucks and leave me alone,
I've got more visits to make, so throw me a bone.

"Throw you a bone?  You greedy, mangy mutt!
Count yourself lucky we don't kick your butt!

"But we gave you that holiday tree, decorated so gaily,
You can click it 12 times to earn a gift daily.

"Go ahead and try it, I'll wait over here,"
said he suspiciously, with a growl and a sneer.

I clicked on the tree and lo and behold,
it barfed out a present wrapped in green and gold.

I carefully unwrapped it, until its contents were freed,
but it wasn't what I wanted; more coins and super feed!

I returned to the lawn to yell at the dog,
but he'd already gone, and left me a yule log.

I glanced overhead and caught a glimpse of him fleeing,
I guess he had a long day ahead, of pooping and peeing.

As he flew away from my farm on his stupid sled,
I shook my fist at him, cursing him, and said, 

"Thanks for this game, riddled with so many a glitch,
goodbye and good riddance, you son of a bitch!

...but I don't think he heard me.


  1. Lol this could start a trend. On the 1st day of Christmas St. Zynga gave to me...

    Great stuff Choo!