Sunday, February 19, 2017

Hunting for Vengeance

"Revenge, at first though sweet,
Bitter ere long back on itself recoils."
—JOHN MILTON, Paradise Lost

Can you believe the nerve of some people?

After all I had done for her, crafting her supplies, assembling her rescue kits, searching for, locating and saving her stranded animals all over the godforsaken forest; and this is how Ranger Jane repays me?  By coming to my farm and turning her back on me?

She comes to thank me and heap praise upon me for my valiant efforts, but she can't even look me in the eye while doing so?  What is wrong with her?  How could she be so rude?  Especially to a devastatingly handsome and humble hero such as me!

Well I just won't stand for it.  I won't be disrespected by this boorish woman; on my own farm, no less!  Who does Ranger Jane think she is, anyway?  Something must be done to redress her blatant affront!

I decided to travel to Okinawa to visit my old friend Hattori Hanzô and seek his sage advice.  If anyone knew about revenge, it was him!

He told me, "Revenge is never a straight line.  It's a forest..."

Ahhh, yes, the forest!  It all made sense now.  I must go back to the forest to get my revenge.  But I could not go empty-handed.  I needed to craft supplies first!

So I returned home and went into my crafting workshop to plot, plan and produce the apparatus necessary to facilitate my revenge...

I carefully studied my many crafting recipes and blueprints.  Surely there must be something in here that would help me achieve the retribution I so richly deserved!

At last I had found it!  The recipe for my reprisal was now in hand, and I knew in that moment that vengeance would soon be mine!

Fortunately I had just enough horseshoes to complete the craft.  Although I had thousands and thousands of them before Ranger Jane came to town, by some miracle she had not completely wiped me out!

It was decided.  I would venture back into the woods, where I had gone to rescue so many animals for Ranger Jane before.

Had I set out to kill Ranger Jane?

No!  For that would be to let her off too easy.  I would take my revenge on those which she cared for the most - her precious woodland creatures!  I would no longer be their savior; for now I would be their hunter.  Muhahahaha!

Clearly, my thirst for retribution had driven me mad by this point.  Oblivious to the atrocities I was about to commit, guided only by a blind, seething rage, I took aim and fired... and fired... and fired... until all the beasts of the forest finally fell silent.

It was done.  Vengeance was mine at last.

Making my way out of the forest and back to my farm, I happened upon a small clearing where to my surprise I found Ranger Jane, in tears, clutching one of my lifeless little victims.

Seems I kinda jumped the gun there, so to speak.  I guess I tend to get a little carried away sometimes.

Oh well.  You live and you learn, right?

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