I have been a very bad blogger this month.
I've had some things in the works, but I just haven't managed to yet bring them to fruition.
Admittedly, I have suffered some setbacks.
I don't mean to make excuses, but to be honest, my trusty, dusty old desktop PC broke down on me earlier this month and I've just been feeling kind of lost without it.
We were in the throes of a brutal heat wave, and I guess my PC was overheating, because it just kept randomly shutting itself down while I was using it.
Unable to muster the willpower to quit playing FarmVille 2 long enough to properly investigate what was wrong with it, I would just wait a few moments for it to cool down a bit and then switch it on again.
Eventually it started smelling like something was burning. You know that sickly sweet fried electronics smell?
Then one day it just wouldn't turn on anymore.
I took it apart to see if I could fix it. Here's a picture of its innards.
I think something might be wrong with the motherboard(?) I'm not sure.
It seems that I may need to purchase a few replacement parts, but I don't have the money for that right now.
Somehow this blogging gig isn't making me as rich and famous as I fantasized it would when I first started out.
Fortunately I had an even older backup PC that I was able to switch over to, but it's just not the same.
It's not in much better shape than the broken one either.
But at least it turns on.
I was using this extra PC here as a barely functional media server, so it had no software installed on it except for Windows and xbmc.
Also, I've just discovered that it has this strange issue where text sometimes looks like this.
It's hard to read, and annoying.
It's even more annoying because I can't figure out how to fix it.
I Googled "messed up text on my computer, WTF?" but the results were not very helpful. At all.
There is probably a better way to search for the solution, but my Google-Fu is weak.
So, anyway, instead of being productive and making fun blog posts for you one or two followers of mine to enjoy, I've just been kinda moping around feeling sorry for myself, hanging out on Facebook, making what might best be characterized as "good-natured troll posts."
I guess I could update you on what I've been doing on Facebook over the past couple weeks or so? Would that help?
Maybe you will find this to be a mildly entertaining diversion until I can get my act together and make a halfway decent post?
But it's better than nothing, I guess.
OK, here goes. (scrolling through my Facebook activity log...)
Can't remember how, but I somehow landed on the page of some random FV2 "add me" group and I noticed this curious post from Bryan Mickey that wasn't quite as desperately exigent as the rest of them.
But I'm pretty sure he was just using reverse psychology, because later he started offering to wash people's cars in exchange for new neighbor adds.
I like that he included a definition of the word serious, because as a functionally illiterate blogger, the dictionary is something I have heard of.
Monique Alexandra made a cheeky comment that inspired one of my own:
Then Bryan called me a jive turkey.
I clicked "like" on his comment to save face, pretending I liked it even though it hurt my feelings. Ironically, this gave his comment more likes than mine got, and he didn't even make a funny picture like I did.
Life can be so unfair.
A couple days later, I found out that Bryan was the one who actually owned this add me group, and that he also had a secret inner sanctum called "The Lounge" which he invited me to join, since I guess he was feeling guilty about calling me a jive turkey and getting more likes than me.
Or maybe it was Monique who guilted him into inviting me to join, I'm not really sure. Monique seems very nice, and she didn't call me a name like Bryan did. Also, Monique is the one who added me and welcomed me to the club. Apparently such menial tasks are beneath Bryan.
It was BYOB night, and luckily I had my bottle of tequila in hand, since it was May 7 by this point and I was still in the early stages of my month-long Cinco de Mayo celebration, which I call Mayo de Mayo. We all drank the night away and talked about our favorite TV shows and movies and stuff.
In the morning I had a very bad headache, but fond, fuzzy memories of the evening prior.
In the days that followed there were many more fun times at the Lounge.
We had fascinating discussions about battle donkeys...
and Gnomerwagon racing...
...and some other fun things too, but they have since taken the group down and all the posts are gone now, so I am unable to retrieve them to share with you. It's really sad because it was a fun casual group and I was just starting to get to know and love all my new friends.
The Lounge will be missed.
But there was one other post that I managed to save from the Lounge before it was shut down. It was from this lovely young lady with a fascinatingly exotic name, Tasite Tudor McKenzie.
I don't quite know how to pronounce that name, but in my mind's voice it sounds like...
She's from a faraway land called Penrith, which I think is somewhere in France, or maybe Denmark. Heck, it could be located in Middle-earth for all I know.
Her Facebook cover photo was a picture of a castle, and between that and her fancy name, I think she might even be royalty!
Anyway, her post made me laugh and inspired me to make a picture for her.
It's a picture of raining men (Guses holding watering cans) in FV2. I made them different colors, like Skittles.
She liked it so much that she made it her new Facebook cover photo!
Isn't that awesome? I had never before made a picture someone liked so much they used it as their cover photo, so this was a momentous occasion for me.
But then, to my dismay, she didn't even add me on Facebook! So that was kind of a bummer.
A guy makes you a cool picture and you don't even add him on Facebook? What's that about? SMH
Oh well. C'est la vie, right?
Or is it Carpe diem?
My Spanish is rusty. I'll have to ask Carlos.
My friends helped me make it rain on my farm, so I posted a picture and thanked them, because that's what friends do.
My friend Kimberly Curro is always so sweet, and she paid my farm a nice compliment, as I had recently redecorated it a little bit.
I posted a close-up of the part of my farm I was most proud of for her, my new altar and shrine to the Cornfish God.
The hedge design I made in front of the shrine kinda sorta reminds me of Stonehenge. I'm still debating on whether I should call it Stonehedge or Hedgehenge. I'm leaning towards the latter, as no stones were used in its construction.
Except if you count the pavers and the fountain the middle, I guess.
But I don't.
My friend, Darcy Liss, likes the new shrine so much that she spends a few of her visit energies each time she comes by just to worship the Cornfish God.
Here's a snapshot of her in action. She's a very devoted follower, and she never forgets to genuflect, which I imagine isn't the easiest thing to do in that dress.
I'm thinking about holding a contest where other FV2 players construct their own shrine to the Cornfish God on their farm and send me a picture of it. After the entry deadline, I (or preferably some impartial judge or committee, so I don't take flack from the losers) would look at all the pictures and pick the best one. I suppose I could even scrape up a few bucks for a Zynga gift card to give the winner.
It would be kind of like Zynga's Farm of the Week contest on a much smaller scale and much tighter budget.
Would you be willing to enter such a contest? I don't want to do it if nobody is going to enter, so comment below if you would like to enter such a contest and I will see. It would be a lot of fun for me to see other player's interpretations of what a proper shrine to the Cornfish God should be, so I really hope you guys are into it! Let me know.
I got a weird chat message from FV2 neighbor Sue Mills with a zip file attached. I chatted her back and asked why she was sending me strange files, but she denied doing so.
I Googled it and found that it was a sneaky trojan/virus that was using her Facebook contacts to propagate itself, so I told Sue it looked like her computer may have been infected and she should warn her friends and scan her system.
She posted the following message, warning her friends and tagging me in it to thank me for helping her.
The fun part was when her daughter Kimberly Mills, who apparently doesn't read so good, came to her mom's rescue to warn her, "...that choo person was hacked."
At least now I have some personal insight as to why they always seem to get my order wrong.
Over at Sheriff Mike's group, Jennifer Moffitt asked about the Donkey Cart.
I told her you could hitch your donkey to it and charge your visitors for rides.
I posted indisputable photographic evidence of my claim, in order to lend it credence.
Dianna Schmidt was kind enough to take the bait and humor me with an inquiry as to how I accomplished this bizarre feat. I explained that it only worked if you put the sign.
Later I realized that it wasn't very nice of me to trick people into thinking they could do this.
But my bad feelings were somewhat mitigated by the hysterical mental image of people frustratedly picking up their donkey and trying to stick it onto their donkey cart over and over again, to no avail.
You can learn a lot about yourself on Facebook. For instance, I have learned that I'm basically a bad person who is easily amused.
I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found someone had shared a picture of this dog who was trying to get adopted.
This cute, sweet puppy was obviously stoned out of his gourd, so I couldn't resist captioning his photo accordingly.
Looking back on the thread now, I see that he was rescued on May 15th.
I'd like to think that my captioned photo was responsible for this.
In any event, I've updated my résumé to include the skill, "Dog Rescuer."
I was expecting lots of fun comments about the sign, but I only received one.
Of course it was a bizarre comment from the ever idiosyncratic Cathy Perry, inexplicably speaking on behalf of the delicious grilled clam.
I'm guessing Karin Barclay Kitsune isn't a big Conan fan, since she chose to skewer me with a sarcastic barb instead of liking my post and telling me how awesome it was.
That's the problem with using thirty-two year old movie references as your source material, I guess.
So I visited her farm and blazed him up.
I then spent the rest of the day listening to reggae on Spotify and dedicating tunes to him. Good times.
Coolest. Sheep. Ever.
Now, I don't really know Nick too well. He's just a guy from Greece who added me on Facebook one day from some random FV2 add me post I made somewhere.
In fact, he added me about the same time Giorgos Fatcat did, and I think they are best friends or something.
You may remember Giorgos from this previous blog post, about the time he molested my wicker goats and I sought revenge.
I should take this opportunity to inform you that Giorgos has completely reformed and no longer assaults my farm decorations. He still visits sometimes and just feeds my horses now, which is totally cool.
For the record, Nick visits my farm too and has never molested anything. But this guy is so damn handsome, I doubt I would even mind if he did.
Here's a picture of him and Giorgos Fatcat.
What a stud, right?
The way he's looking at me in this picture... makes me feel kinda funny inside.
Here's another Nick pic that makes me question my sexuality.
It's as if he's staring right into my very soul.
I must say, I'm kind of intrigued by his whole inner peace thing. Dude is so Zen he actually calls himself Nick Inner-Peace! I mean, I guess if I was built like a tall, dark, handsome Greek God I could achieve inner peace too. But compared to this guy, I'm a neurotic, pasty wad of cookie dough. I'm more of a "Choo Inner-Turmoil."
I don't know what it is about him, but so far I've made his pictures the subject of at least two of my previously posted Friday Facebook Foto Funnies (here and here), and at least two more that I haven't posted yet.
Here is one of those:
I think the reason I've been messing with his pictures so much is that somewhere deep down in my subconscious I've just been trying to get him to talk to me... To acknowledge my existence and make me feel special in a way that only Nick can.
Here is the other:
Then it finally happened.
In response to my shark post, NICK FINALLY TALKED TO ME!
I was giddy as a schoolgirl.