Church of the Cornfish God

"When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator."

-Mahatma Gandhi

One fine day last winter, Carlos and Choo Dessny, frolicking in the snow at play, did witness together a miracle whereupon a holy relic appeareth before them.  

The mysterious artifact resembled a statue of some kind, carved from the purest virgin ice and glistening in the light of the sun with a glow of divinity.

Choo sayeth unto Carlos, "All haileth the corn!"  

And Carlos sayeth unto Choo, "It looketh like a fish!"  

And thereupon He came to be known as the Cornfish God.  

So let it be written. So let it be done.

Whilst tilling the land and toiling in the fields on a subsequent day, a sacred book was revealed to the Prophet Choo Dessny, peeking out from beneath the soil betwixt the rows of corn.  

The ancient tome elucidated the great beneficence of the Cornfish God and how He created all good things.

Henceforth, the Prophet Choo Dessny vowed to preach the word of Cornfish God and spread His glory far and wide, converting the nonbelievers and sinners of FarmVille to walk the righteous path and be good neighbors to each other.

Preaching from the good book he had found, the Prophet Choo Dessny did teach the good farmers of the land about the creation of FarmVille, thusly:

In the beginning, Cornfish God created the farmland and the river.

And Cornfish God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And Cornfish God saw that the light was good. And Cornfish God separated the light from the darkness. Cornfish God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night Buff Active. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.

And Cornfish God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. Cornfish God called the dry land Farm, and the waters that were gathered together he called River. And Cornfish God saw that it was good.

And Cornfish God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the Farm lands, and let it separate the Farm from the Farm.” And Cornfish God made the expanse and separated the Farm lands that were west of the expanse from the Farm lands that were east of the expanse. And it was so. And Cornfish God called the expanse the Road. And Cornfish God called the Farm lands to the west the Pasture. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day.

And Cornfish God said, “Let the Farm sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the Farm.” And it was so. The Farm brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And Cornfish God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.

And Cornfish God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the Farm.” And it was so. And Cornfish God made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night buff active—and the stars. And Cornfish God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the Farm, to rule over the day and over the night buff active, and to separate the light from the darkness. And Cornfish God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.

And Cornfish God said, “Let the River be filled with special plots of its own for planting of water crops.” So Cornfish God created the River plots and water crops. And Cornfish God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.

And Cornfish God said, “Let the Farm bring forth living creatures according to their kinds—livestock and beasts of the Farm according to their kinds.” And it was so. And Cornfish God made the beasts of the Farm according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds. And Cornfish God saw that it was good.

Then Cornfish God said, “Let us make farmers. And let them have dominion over the crops of the Farm and the River and over the beasts and the livestock and over all the Farm and over everything that lives on the Farm.” And Cornfish God blessed them. And Cornfish God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the Farm and subdue it, and have dominion over the crops of the Farm and the River and over every living thing that moves on the Farm.”  

And Cornfish God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of the Farm, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the Farm, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. And Cornfish God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

Thus the Farm and the River were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day Cornfish God finished His work that He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work that He had done. So Cornfish God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, and Cornfish God said, “Behold, on this holy day all the Farmers of the Farms of the County shall gather together and hold a fair.  There will be games of chance and rides of thrill. Friendly competition, fun and frivolity shall rule the day, and a joyous celebration of the bounty of thy harvest shall be had by all.” And it was so. And Cornfish God saw that it was good.

Gal 6:7-9: ...whatsoever a farmer soweth, that shall he also reap.

Caressing the statue of Cornfish God is frowned upon.  This poor woman was struck by a bolt of lightning shortly after this photograph was taken.

John 10:10: The thief comes only to raid wells and plunder troughs and quest buildings; I have come that they may have water, and have it to the full.

Many believe that Cornfish God is responsible for giving us free water day, and they humbly pray to Him for another.  Alas, the farmers of FarmVille hunger greatly for liberal quantities of free resources.  

But Cornfish God is sagacious in His dispensations, for He knows the farmer's resource management skills must be tested and honed for him to prosper in lean times as in times of plenty.

Phil 4:8: ...whatever is planted, whatever is watered, whatever is fertilized, whatever is harvested—if anything is prized or heirloom—think about such things.

"The Creation of Farmer" is a fresco painting by Micornangelo, forming part of the Silkstine Chapel ceiling.  It illustrates the narrative from the Book of Polenta in which Cornfish God breathes life into Farmer, the first farmer of FarmVille.

Jer 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Cornfish God, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you prized crops and a first prize at the County Fair."

Delving deeper into the codex of the Cornfish God, the prophet Choo Dessny did encounter twelve commandments which he informed the farmers of the land they were expected to obey.

Like a carton of fresh eggs from the farm, the laws of the Cornfish God number one dozen and are easily broken by those who do not act with care.  The recommended penance for any transgressions of the divine edicts is a fortnight of self-flagellation with a wet cornstalk.

THE TWELVE COMMANDMENTS
OF CORNFISH GOD 

1. Thou shalt not raid thy neighbor's wells.

2. Thou shalt not gift thy neighbors trinkets of dubious value, such as bricks, metals, wood planks or feeds.

3. Thou shalt send thy neighbors a daily gift of water or fertilizer so that thy neighbors may prosper.

4. Thou shalt remember the day of the County Fair, to keep it holy.

5. Thou shalt not feed thy neighbor's chickens.

6. Thou shalt honour thy fertilizer rake and thy wells.

7. Thou shalt not ignore or disobey thy neighbor's signage.
8. Thou shalt not tend thy neighbor's short-term crops in the presence of long-term crops having greater need of tending.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's farm decorations.

10. Thou shalt love thy neighbor, as thyself.

11. Thou shalt not squander thy visit energies clicking on things which provide no benefit to thy neighbor.

12. Thou shalt not run thy fertilizer rake through thy neighbor, no matter how many foolish things he clicketh upon whilst visiting thy farm.

Prov 3:6:  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your crops prized.

 

Demonstrating his undying love, faith and commitment to the Cornfish God, the Prophet Choo Dessny did buildeth this corn maze in His honour.  

Dubbed the Amazing Maize Maze, farmers from all across the vast land of FarmVille did pilgrimage many miles just to bear witness to the sacred tribute.

The circuitous pathways through the cornfields symbolize the winding and perilous road we individual farmers all must traverse during our lifelong journey through FarmVille to reach salvation.

Rom 8:28: And we know that in all farm things Cornfish God works for the good of those who worship Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

As we faceth the challenges of farm life each day, we learneth that Cornfish God worketh in ways of mystery.  Cornfish God giveth, and Cornfish God taketh away.  Simple farmers such as we cannot ever hope to understandeth why He does the things He doeth, but we must accepteth and rejoice in His doings in faith, for divine wisdom is His alone to possess.

One of the greatest examples of this tenet can be found in the parable of "The Lamentable Leporid," as excerpted from the Book of Cob and illustrated below:

 

Poke!

#7

This is the seventh installment of Friday Facebook Foto Fun, where every Friday* we have fun with a new picture that one of my friends recently posted or shared on Facebook.

* Note: "Friday Facebook Foto Fun" is unlikely to actually occur on a Friday, and much less likely to occur every Friday.

New Robotic Farmer Proxy for FV2!

t Zynga's FarmVille 2 Research and Development Laboratories, our scientists are working hard to bring the future of farming technology to you today.  Recently we've begun to explore the exciting world of robotic farming, and how such technology might help our farmers be more productive on their farms.  Of course, to get to the end result of something, it helps to start at the beginning.  So we've spent countless hours researching the history of robotics and made some pretty astonishing discoveries in the process.  It turns out that the concept of robots has been around a lot longer than you may have thought!

rehistoric cave drawings have been found, as shown above, which depict fantastical robotic beings far more advanced than technology for the time.  We learned that automated devices which could be put to use to perform tasks at the behest of their human creators have apparently intrigued man since the dawn of mankind!  Some people speculate that ancient alien visitors from other planets were responsible for introducing these ideas to man.  Those people are called weird by their friends and neighbors.

elics of ancient Egypt have also been found which seem to suggest that they too were experimenting with robotics long before originally thought.  This robotic pharaoh dude looks really pissed!

ndeed, even the Greek philosopher Aristotle was known to have frequently discussed his own ideas on the topic of how cool it would be to have his own robot servant.  Around 320 BC he was overheard at a toga party one day to have said, “If every tool, when ordered, or even of its own accord, could do the work that befits it, that would be totally awesome!"

eonardo da Vinci's drawings were even found to contain a depiction of a robotic apparatus which scholars have come to nickname "Androidian Man."  Unfortunately the technology did not exist in da Vinci's time to enable him to bring his concept drawing into existence.  But if it did, and if he had built it, most scholars agree that it would have "totally kicked ass!"

rightening us at times, Hollywood got in on the act to further entrench the notion of futuristic robot beings into our consciousness and culture.  This robot's name is Gort, and believe you me, he means business!

f course, Hollywood has also treated us to endearing depictions of robots who are not bent on world domination, but just content to pick up trash and look for companionship.  Who among us could ever forget the adorable and lovable WALL-E?

ur research wouldn't be complete if we just sat around watching movies all day, although we do a fair bit of that.  We also looked at real-life robotic innovations and found that robotics in the 20th and 21st centuries has advanced so radically as to include machines capable of assembling other machines and even robots that can be mistaken for human beings!  Check out this totally hot robot chick!  Yowza!

ast but not least, we looked at the current state of robotic agriculture, bringing us back full circle to our goal of improving FarmVille 2.  We found robots that can prune vineyards, tend plant nurseries and even herd animals!  Amazing stuff!




o after all that research it was time for us to get started on the development phase.  Two and a half hours later, that phase too is now complete, and we are ready to show you what we came up with.  It is therefore with great pride and excitement that we announce to you today the release of our new Robotic Farmer Proxy for FarmVille 2, now available for purchase!

Now you don't even need to play FarmVille 2 anymore to play FarmVille 2!  Just pay us money and we'll do the rest!