The world famous Turkey Trubl Co-Op still has a few more membership positions available for serious and dedicated co-oppers who wish to join.
This is fantastic news for you, as a trusted team of highly intelligent scientists informed me that the rare opportunity to join the most exclusive and elite co-op in the world may only come along once in the average person's lifetime!
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| Scientific fact: Wearing a lab coat and/or glasses makes you look smarter |
I should mention it has been brought to my attention that our previous Turkey Trubl Co-Op Membership Questionnaire may have been a little bit too difficult.
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| This is how most people felt while trying to complete our previous questionnaire |
Many applicants were put off by the interminable series of bizarre and seemingly irrelevant personal questions. Other potentials informed me they took exception to our mandatory requirement that they name their first-born child "Turkey Trubl, Jr." While still others objected to the part about having to donate all their worldly possessions to the Turkey Trubl Co-Op, abandon their families, and permanently relocate to live and work with us at our agricultural compound in Choostown, Guyana.
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| Aerial view of Choostown agricultural compound. We don't serve Kool-Aid, but we have plenty of coffee and beer. |
Hey, it's ok, I understand. It's a big commitment.
Therefore I have created a new Turkey Trubl Co-Op Membership Questionnaire which features considerably less questions and no wrong answers. So now there's no excuse not to join us!
See ya 'round the compound!
Mr. Dessny, I am an inspector for the Dept. of Agriculture. It has come to our attention that animals all over FarmVille are being fed a substance known colloquially as "superfeed". Research suggests that this superfeed can be linked to all manner of serious health issues in humans upon consumption of tainted animal produce, most notably milk, eggs, and any variety of cheese, on their own, or used in any crafting recipe. Not to mention the risks this substance poses to farm animals. For one, t causes excessively rapid aging and bad forms of diarrhea. Therefore we have decided to outlaw the use of "superfeed" effective immediately. The possession is now illegal. Witness accounts have led us to your farm. You are suspected of hiding an enormous stash of it. So, please sir, if you would, step aside and let us impound said stash, or we'll be forced to take more persuasive measures. In the meantime, do not approach your animals. Our health inspectors need to perform some tests.
ReplyDeleteThank you for alerting me to this public health emergency, Mr. McKay. Sounds very serious indeed. I do have a massive supply of super feed on hand at the moment. However, having just received today's surprise free water day, I intend to dispose of it all (on my black Arabians, for fertilizer!) So, no worries! Happy farming to you!
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